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Facebook Takes on Heartbreak

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Breakups are hard and people’s coping strategies are as diverse as they are strange. And today’s digital age has only made it all that much stranger. Most common, perhaps, is the excessive consumption of junk food and bad TV, accompanied by the infamous post-breakup Facebook stalk. We’ve all been there. Seemingly harmless to begin with, this can often spiral out of control, ultimately leading to obsession. Before you know it, you’ve lost countless valuable hours of sleep scoping out your ex’s every living relative, somehow ending up on the profile of their great aunt’s brother twice removed. Well, that escalated quickly.

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Self-loathing and Bora Bora

Before you start going through the album titled Bora Bora trip ‘09, stop what you’re doing and put your damn phone down. Before the inevitable self-loathing ensues and your closest friends consider an all-out intervention, know that there will soon be a solution. Yes, rest easy knowing Facebook has upped its post-breakup-ante with four new tools designed to make breakups easier. Cheers Mark.

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Ben and Jerry’s and the Real Housewives

Yes, ol’ mate Mark Zuckerberg has been thinking about how he can help you mend that broken heart of yours. Bless. Recently revealing numerous new tools intended to make moving on from your ex a whole lot easier. These new tools, available on mobile devices only, are currently being tested in the U.S and won’t roll out here until early next year. So, at least for now, Australian heartbreak will have to wait. At least there’s always Ben and Jerry’s and the Real Housewives franchise, right?

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Suckers for punishment

When it does hit our shores though, how exactly will it work? The tools’ functionality includes: removing your ex from the newsfeed entirely, preventing them from popping up in tagged content, restricting what they can view, and a fourth tool that allows you to untag yourself from joint posts. Mark and the Facebook team have made it clear that they will alter the functionality of the tools based on user feedback, and that they are completely optional. After all, some people are just suckers for punishment.

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A silver lining

Nerveless, if your relationship looks like it won’t be making it into ’16, our sincerest condolences, at least now you’ve got options. In the words of Monty Python, always look on the bright side of life (Chunky Monkey flavoured ice cream specifically…).

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By Nicole Wilson


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